Thoughts from a Ketamine riddled brain- “when did they paint the walls pink and fuzzy??”

So during my infusions of ketamine I had some pretty whacky words and thoughts that popped out. I though I would list them here.

But first, since apparently no one has been able to explain what it’s like, I guess I will. it is important to note, we chose this because, after careful consideration it would help me the fastest and most effectively.

First of all, I had an AMAZING medical team. Great nurses [who all got crazy nicknames] and fabulous doctors with lots of positivity. They were cautious and intelligent through the entire process. Ketamine has been used for years for surgery, emergency responses, and other treatments. The IV version I received was slightly different than the “street” stuff people use for fun. This works much faster and works more on the brain than anything else. My first does was conservative at 80mg over 3 hours. This was a slow infusion with a hilariously beeping machine, an EGK machine that couldn’t read my shallow breathing [despite my fabulous heart rate with NO extended QRS rhythm, despite what the research group said one of my medications would cause], an IV, and oxygen tube. That’s a ton of cords. I got really cold the entire time but my nurse, Nurse Yoon [I called her Nurse Sunshine because my very high brain saw her as a yellow light] kept wrapping me in blankets. The worst part was having to come in everyday and wait to go back with all the lights, noise, and people. The most intense side effect was my extreme light and sound sensitivity (we are talking the neighbors across the street and over a football yard away, including closed doors, sounded like they were mowing their lawn inside my head).

Anyway, I slept through most of day one, giggling and talking about the rainbow bunnies. That’s a good thing. Some people have nightmares or bad dreams, I had sunshine. Day 2, I was convinced they didn’t give me any because I was awake and had to pee the entire time [to all the nurses out there who have to help us with bed pans etc, I thank you and salute you]. I had my sunshine nurse, another nurse I dubbed peaches and cream, once again due to colors I was seeing. When I told her I was sure something was wrong because I wasn’t asleep, she looked at me as she gave me round 2 of sedation and said “sweetheart you have high eyes, your eyes are crossed, I know we gave it to you”. I called my other nurse the ocean [can you sense a pattern yet].

Day 3 was a higher dose, another nurse, I called her emerald because she had green eyes and green scrubs. At this point my third doctor stepped in a boosted the dose higher. During infusions, it feels like nothing hurts, you are floating in a sea of calm, cool, water, and everything is ok.

Day 4 was harder emotionally. Higher doses and another new nurse. Sadly I didn’t have a name, my mom did though. She wasn’t very friendly and quite bad at putting in an IV. She moved it twice, my veins were tired after 4 sticks on the right side, and the flow wouldn’t start, so I got saline burn from a bazillion pushing it in. And bruises from digging it around. I cried over celtic music…

Day 5 was the most intense. At this point I was begging for the ketamine to begin because of the instant relief I got. The IV stopped hurting. The leg pain stopped. The tremors stopped. This day I cried, I was emotional. Thinking about how nice it was for a week not to worry about work. I was also dealing with the fact that I may not be able to go back to work due to budget cuts etc. But I accepted it, and was re determined to go to medical school to help other people. Something else to note was I didn’t have glasses on and my vision was super blurry so everyone looked like blobs. My parents also traded off drop off and pick up, staying until I was under and coming back as we were wrapping up. My dad had to come hold a very emotional me’s hand while I attempted to explain why I was emotional. The next day I was laid off from work and was surprisingly handling it well.

Okay sappy stuff over. My side effects were peculiar. I lost my sense of smell and taste buds. I had horrible migraines and light/sound sensitivity. People moving were overwhelming. TV screens were impossible for almost a week an a half after day 1. Outside of that, I was Ok. No nasty nightmares, scary dreams, etc.

• Weird statements I made as a result of ketamine:
• When did they come and paint the walls fuzzy pink? they were white this morning?
• Oh look, you’re a sunshine.
• I know its OJ, but it doesn’t taste like anything.
• This tastes like an apple farted over a gallon of water and walked away.
• Can we listen to more yanni? No wait, celtic woman, no celtic thunder, wait yanni…Alexa, help.
• I need to pee.
• Where are all the pillows? (I’m laying surrounded by 4)
• I need to pee again.
• Why is the room moving? Am I moving?
• You didn’t give me any ketamine or sedative, did you? [my eyes are crossed and the nurse looked at me like a very drunk college student stating I haven’t had a sip of liquor tonight, to the police as I attempt to get into a bush, claiming it’s my car]
• I really have to pee.
• Celtic woman or celtic women? Is it plural? No it Irish so it doesn’t have to make sense.
• I don’t have toes.
• Ok I have to pee again, sorry.
• Can we go on a vacation? Like to the Grocery store?
• I need a doughnut, not because I can taste it,but because its so fluffy
• Rainbow bunnies ate my dream doughnut.