In the latest and greatest of my eternal adventures, I’ve had the distinctive pleasure of experiencing not 1, not 2, not even 4 new symptoms and experiences, but 5! For some reason my stomach has decided to reject food and prevent me from eating. So, naturally nausea and vomiting follow, along with difficultly swallowing and a burning sensation, and reflux. Plus a lower abdomen pain and other issues. It feels like dragon fire inside, but I can only assume dragons have better throat protection than we do. As a general note, hurling up raw acid or just water burns, so try to swish with milk to save the throat and teeth…
After a trip to the Gastroenterologist, and even MORE blood work [ouch again] ,everything’s negative. So we had to endure something no 25 year old [without a HIGH risk of colon cancer or actual cancer] should even go through…The clear liquid diet. Let me try to break it down for the non 50+ squad. The day before a glorious colonoscopy, you have to consume only clear approved foods and cleanse your system with some horrible concoction of “alleviating means” and other fun stuff. The positive side for me? I’ve barely eaten in a month so I wasn’t hungry [the most common complaint]. I also now hate Jello. I never want to see it again. There are only a few items you can consume and other things they recommend. Clear fluids and juices. But NO red, purple, orange, or blue dyed foods [and naturally anything dyed black]. So apple, white grape, lemonade, lime, pineapple, mango, etc. They suggest pedialyte and Gatorade too. And clear broth. I also used white lifesaver mints. I also now hate pedialyte after this adventure. It’s just salt…even though I can’t taste for shit, it’s salty. My mouth can tell. Too salty, too sweet, is too much.
So anyway, I began the adventure, of making everything disappear from me. After one bowl of jello and my first stuff to clear myself, the pain began. Cramps on cramps on cramps. Then you gotta drink like a gallon of this nasty stuff that kicks it into gear. That’s when all hell broke loose. Vomitting, nausea, weakness. After a violent episode and a call to the doc, we ended the stopping the stuff, I was already empty to begin with. My parents carried me upstairs since my body had given up and I slept until we had to go back to the doctor. The bad part is you can’t have ANYTHING to eat or drink in the morning so I was dehydrated, my veins wouldn’t cooperate, and the IV ended up in my hand [OUCH] (it took 2 tries and lots of bruises).
Also, carrying your adult daughter into a waiting room full of much much older people is quite a scene. The good news? Everything came back normal. The bad news? Everything came back normal. This means no answers despite still being unable to eat anything of significance [bagels, liquids, and nutrition smoothie don’t count for much] and almost constant nausea, pain, weakness, and dizziness.
The most puzzling factor is that my weight has stayed exactly the same due to edema. My Massage therapist whose trying to eliminate the fluid says its pretty gnarly. All over swelling, retention in random places, skin discoloration, and no pitting. Unsurprisingly, there is no edema specialist out there…
As a general rule, if you ever have to do a colonoscopy, take the entire day off…
Life On Fire 