Well since I am writing this, yes, yes I did survive. But how? Well that’s a tale that involved a lot of compromise, desperation, and gravy.
Basically, we started trying to take me off Lexapro (anti-depressant of 11 years) about a month ago. Unfortunately, Lexapro is one of the top 4, most difficult drugs to come off of in the anti-depressant category. it’s is partially due to the way SSRI’s work and create a dependency on this drugs mechanism for your brain to feel “happy” and partially because I’ve been on it for over a decade, plus it’s got a long half life. So here we go again, withdrawal, part 2, round 3. But I’ll save that for another post when I get further along in coming off it.
I lost most of my safe foods again, tremors and shakes in the mornings, non-24 sleep cycle (insomnia and sleeping during the day), POTS flare ups, and vomiting. All the vomiting. And it’s not even real nausea. It’s visceral. Okay think of it like this- if you HATE oysters and have tried to eat one, then you’ll totally get this, if not, imagine applesauce and milk…It’s like eating something and the MINUTE it hits your stomach or throat your stomach screeches “AW HELL NAW” and drop-kicks it back up your esophagus and out. [it’s a pretty funny image…]. Regardless, my stomach now rejects random things, anything too hot, cold, in there too long, didn’t eat soon enough, waking up, moving around, sneezing, or it just decides, “NOPE NOT TODAY SUCKER”- and out everything comes. This means I’m up to 7 day a week Iv fluids and I’ve been trapped on the couch downstairs for going on 3 weeks (with my weakness, fainting, and sky-high-now-super-low blood pressure it’s a dangerous endeavor).
Okay so back to Thanksgiving. Last year my mom and I headed up to KY to see the family the week before actual Thanksgiving for our family reunion, Xmas, Thanksgiving adventure. Unfortunately, last year, this was when I was in horrible pain from my sting, on a myriad of drugs including Lyrica, which wipes your memory, and a new anti-convulsant called Zonisamide (YES THE SULFA DRUG THAT GAVE ME ANAPHYLAXIS NOT BUT 2 DAYS AFTER I GOT HOME). I could eat, but I was in a ton of pain and pretty miserable. I did however, make my awesome mashed tatters and chess pie.
So anyway, this year we stayed here. I can barely travel to the doctors as it is. We agreed on roasting a chicken (no turkey for me..) so we can use the bones for stock as well, Peas, tatters, stuffing, and gravy. I really wanted to help, but that wasn’t going to happen so THREE days prior I made the chess pie, with my dads help, while in my wheelchair, trying not to pass out. I did it! Sorta, I mean, everyone had to help on this one. Somehow, the night before, with Nick’s help, I made bread rolls to rise overnight. Except I started puking mid mixing (thank god for a auto mixer) and had to abandon ship. Good news? I survived and the rolls were unharmed. Bad news? I over mixed the damn things.
Thanksgiving morning (AKA 1pm in my world) I had the delight of puking my guts up. But by the evening, I was much better off and managed to even stuff the chicken with help. So I got a WHOLE TABLESPOON OF PEAS, and 2 oz of chicken, AND a 1/4 cup of tatters. Plus a dash of gravy and stuffing. That’s the most food I’ve eaten in a month. Add in a lot of my THC butter to keep my stomach calm and somehow, by a Thanksgiving miracle, it all stayed down. Even a bite my chess pie. (Probably because I took a nice long nap after eating)
But this all goes back to something a lot of my groups discuss. Family at holidays and holidays in general. For anyone with an allergy or who is chronically ill, it’s a mine field. You WANT to go be with friends and family but it’s a danger because who knows what goes in the food and sometimes you just can’t even get up. And you can make your own dish and bring it, but some people are extremely sensitive to certain smells or allergic reactions so just being there is rough. Some families can be super accommodating, others not so much. If you’re having a hard time imagining, think about people with peanut allergies (contact allergies, the most severe, if it’s in the air, they are at risk) as what could actually be going on, but the individual presents as if it’s Celiac’s (definitely a terrible condition, any trace amount in some can cause GUT WRENCHING pain for days after but not necessarily a traditional “anaphylactic, nut allergy” reaction) and somehow everyone seems to view it as they magically decided to become a vegan yesterday. I think you get the image. I know how hard and frustrating it can be to try and accommodate someone with such “strange” reactions or risks,but it’s the thought that counts. Don’t leave people out just because it could be harder.
In college I was stuck on a gluten free, dairy free, egg free, no red meat, diet due to suspected allergies. I went to my aunts of Thanksgiving and made my own Potatoes that I knew I could eat. I even offered to help make some of the meal or bring more things so I would know what was safe. And even if I couldn’t come because I was sick or unwell, it is the fact they asked and offered. They didn’t need to understand or get it, just listen. And at the end of the day, that is all we ask.
This year for Halloween, my mom once again got alternatives to candy. We registered for the Teal pumpkin project as well. The project was started as a way for other people to offer candy alternatives for kinds who cannot have candy, certain candies, or food products at all. (When I was a kid this only could happen if a mom when to the neighbors ahead of time and gave them something else to give the child) Instead, we actually can offer those kids a chance to go out and join their friends. If we can do this for children and strangers, we should be able to be just as open and kind for our family and friends during ALL holiday events.
So yes, I did survive Thanksgiving thanks to my wonderful parents, and a lot of pre-medicating.
Life On Fire 